A Wonderful Christmas.. in Jamaica Mon!

Well hello there! long time no talk.. So.. I'm in sunny, wonderful Miami.. got back yesterday from our cruise which was FABULOUS. I have lots of stories.. but I'm gonna use those stories for later posts. And I definately have videos that will make you laugh till you cry. Pics to come.

Anyways, I spent Christmas in Jamaica, meeting the Spice Doctor, and buying enough rum that everyone now thinks I'm an alchy.. which I am okay with.. It was wonderful to wake up on Christmas morning to the SUN and warmth. SO different from the 6 feet of snow we have in Canada. Luckily I was able to avoid Santa for the most part, which was a definate pro.

I go home tomorrow, and will be returning to the freezing cold. It will not be a good day. I did however want to say hello.. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday with your families and loved ones. Talk soon!

pissed off..

convo a few min ago.. 

A mother- 'How is your week lookin next week?'

me- ' oh, you know.. busy.. doing a lot of work and packing and fun stuff. what with Tuesday (which should be my mom's birthday), this week is gonna be pretty shitty.'

witch on the other end of the convo- 'welcome to my world'.

WTF. 'Welcome to my WORLD?!'.. I am 20 FLIPPING years old. I should not know about your world. When I am 45 like you, I'm sure I'll know a DAMN lot about your world.. but until then? SCREW off.. LET me have an OUNCE of my youth.

see.. I'm the type of person who doesn't get angry easily.. but this freaking comment.. this condescending comment.. pissed me right off.. oh man.. I'm so pissed.. retarded. I think I've been dealing with a lot pretty FUCKING well.. and now a comment like this makes me wanna punch someone in the face. GRRR.. ok.. I'm going to bed.. like I said, I have a LOT to do.. 

You asked for it... part 2

**note** this is the last of the questions from the other day.. I'll prolly do it again in a few months.. 

If you could have any one wish at this very moment, or do something relatively realistic, what would it be and why? 

well, at the risk of sounding like a 12 year old loser.. and because everything else I would generally say are already on the books (aka visiting africa, going to the carribean with friends for a get-a-way).. I would want to spend a week with my baby sister O on the set of the third twilight movie. yes. I am a loser. but I would love to see how it all works.. and my sister is obsessed with Kellan Lutz so.. it'd be the nice thing to do. 

If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be? What would your message be?

That one person can make a difference. And never stop being YOU. Don't be who your friends/family think you SHOULD be.. just be you. 

What makes you feel great about yourself?

uhh.. I have no idea.. getting a massage, getting gel nails, going dancing, feeling accepted.

Who inspires you most?

mm.. My mom.. and good writers .. oh! and Dr. Laura Slessinger (or however you spell it) .. or she

did when I was little :P 

What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)

Music.. Listening.. Understanding people. 

What do people typically ask you for help in?

People problems. Family feuds, problems with friends.. that sort of thing..

If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

English. or Special Education. 

What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

*cheese alert* my happily ever after? 

What are the values you look for most?

honesty, loyalty, compassion, reliability, security, respect. 

What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you’ve overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it?

THAT will have to be a post of its own.. I do not have time for that one :P

Are you a klutz? 

uh.. ya. pretty much. 

First quote that pops to your mind.

Hate is easy. Love takes COURAGE.

You asked for it.. part 1

Is there anything you regret/ enjoyed about taking in foster kids? Can you remember them all? Are there any that stick out in your memory? 

Oh man, well.. I'll start with the positive. I enjoyed having kids around that were from all different backgrounds.. and hearing their stories.. There was always that day, with each of the kids, that they would just open up and tell you their story. Usually that was a sign that they had accepted me. 

The regret one and most memorable would probably be the same.. perhaps because of the regret. A boy I went to high school with, one that I didn't hang out with.. who was the one who did drugs, and was class clown. Mom called me one day in math class asking who "that boy in the police cruiser the other day" was. When I said his name, (we'll call him Josh) she immediately dismissed it, figuring him no good for the family. I convinced her otherwise, knowing he was a good guy deep down, and maybe my parents could straighten him out a bit. 

It was a weird time. I was 16, and the eldest of 6 teens, ranging from 13-16 living in my house. I had to help enforce rules ie) no girls in boys rooms, no boys in girls, since the foster kids sometimes took to crushing on one another. On one occasion, Josh decided to swear at me.. in front of my 7 year old sister. I did not take to this kindly. I found out later he'd been bringing drugs into my house as well, although my entire family suffered from asthma. Either way, I pretty much spazzed at him.. and left the house.. saying I wanted him gone before I got home from school.. and he was. Eighteen months later I found out he'd pulled a gun on his roommate for money.. and I keep thinking that maybe if I'd been more patient, allowed him to stay just a little longer.. maybe he'd been different. I try to be a little more forgiving of people now.

One of the hardest things to do, is to make sure to be inclusive. To make it so it's not our family, and then the foster kids. The foster kids always went on family trips, outings.. were always very welcome. It was hard at times to not pull the whole "its MY house. so EFF YOU!" thing on them. I wanted to sometimes! 

And I definately CANNOT remember them all.. I could probably remember about 40.. maybe. 

How far into college are you? What is your major? 

ah ha! the question.. I'll have to give you the full story.. *inhaling deeply*

So, in September of 2006, I began my first year of university. I was in Waterloo, going through for sociology.. figuring on becoming a social worker or counsellor.. then it struck.. I was in my room, in the dark for about 2 months before being diagnosed with depression, and having my record exponged. Basically.. I know have to decide what I want to do, and then go back.. I really don't know. I might go to Kenya and end up staying there.. who knows?! 

Any love in your life besides baby boy? 

umm.. not at the moment.. I'm not really in the right place to be meeting anyone right now. I'm just kind of content to be..  plus, I've met maybe 6 new ppl in the last 6 months lol.. so no... BabyBoy is the only one that holds this heart! 

How many other kids are you raising? How many kids all together. 

Mm.. well.. at the moment? the rest of the kids are old enough that they don't need the same type of care that BabyBoy does.. I have 4 brothers and sisters though. My brothers, J (17) and BabyBoy (19 months), and sisters M (16) and O (12). (but thats not counting all the foster kids we've had over the years)

Is your dad still dating? 

He says he's not.. And she definately has not been calling.. and he's not on the phone very much.. and no more trips to Ottawa.. so I don't think so.. :S

Are you a neat-freak?

Uhh. I wish I could say yes.. but I'm really not. My room looks like it's been hit with a tsunami, tornado, and hurricane all at the same time. BUT.. I only keep my room like that.. the main areas ( the areas I share with people I live with) are always kept clean. 

Any movies you can watch over and over?

Return to Me, Anastasia, the Labyrinth 

Do you sing?/ Play any musical instruments?

Um.. I sing.. ish.. I did a lot of school plays growing up.. thats about the extent of it. oh! and when I was a nanny last year, my employer got his own concert when I thought he was out and singing his daughter to sleep.. lol..  I play the piano, the flute, guitar, however I can play any musical instrument I put my mind to really.. I play by ear.. which is pretty neat.. 

Did you have an imaginary friend as a child?

This is embarassing. Yes. But it was friendS, and they were ladybugs.. Ya.. I don't know.. weird.

Do you wear pjs anywhere other than in your house?

BAH hahahhaa.. where DON'T I wear my pajamas to?! I get it from my mom. We even wore pjs to her memorial. But really they are scrubs sooo.. they look more normal than regular pjs. 

Do you have any phobias?

oh man.. ok.. I'm deathly afraid of the dark, under my bed (Apparently I'm two. I know.), spiders, Santa Claus and clowns. 

Ever come close to death?

Twice. When I was a baby, I nearly died because of how bad my asthma was, and last year when I was in my car accident. 

Friend you have known the longest?

hmm.. Hannah S.

Sweet/ sour??

Sweet?

Are you usually late, right on time, or early?

lol.. depends.. rarely early.. usually on time.. sometimes late.. usually late when meeting friends.. usually on time for appointments. 

Something or someone you miss most from childhood?

hard one. probably being able to dream without having to be reasonable.. 

What makes you smile?

Friends.. BabyBoy.. A good book.. A romantic gesture.. A kind word.. 

What activities make you lose track of time?

Reading books, blogs (like Sandi's.. or David's... its too good.. ) you tube videos.. lol.. daydreaming..

Favourite Alcoholic Beverage..

Porn Star.. no.. white freezie.. no. alabama slamma.. oh.. I dont know.. I like em all.. 

Mm.. Difficulty

I am having such trouble coming up with anything to write about as of late. I have no idea. I know I've have been blogging VERY little lately.. and so.. if there is anything anyone wants to know about me/ my warped life ... Leave it in a comment, and I'll do my best to answer..

My Happily Ever After... On Hold??

me- "hello??"

voice- "Hello there Mhea! I hope you are doing well! This is your Happily Ever After calling, I just pulled your record and realized that you haven't really done anything to get to me in the past five months."

me- "Oh.. riighht.. Uhhh...?? I've been.. busy??"

My happily ever after- "I know. but don't forget about me.. I'm still waiting!"

me- "reaaalllyy."

So, my Dad thinks I'm putting my entire life on hold. He doesn't want me to stay in this little town and not move on with my life. But, let's look at my options. 

• Go back to school- to do what?! I still have no idea what to with my life. the only thing i can see myself being is a mom.  
• Go back to being a nanny- seems pretty stupid considering my little brother needs me here to be doing the same thing. 
• Move out and get a real job- pfffft

I can't think of anything else. Hmm. oh! wait.. this one's my favourite.. 

• Move to the Carribean and live my life drinking pina coladas sitting on the beach.

No? Fine. How about..

• Move to Kenya to help the kids in the orphanage we're building??

So this essentially does not leave me much choice to begin with. Now let's look at why I WANT to stay. 

• BabyBoy needs me! I'm the only one that understands his garble. I don't want him in daycare. He hearts me. I heart him.
• I'm a little terrified of leaving my family again. Look at what happened last time..

So now Dad wants to know if he should put BabyBoy in daycare next year. Now, there are a lot of things to consider in actually moving out and getting a life back. 

• friends. I'll actually see them more than once every 2 weeks.
• Going out.. more than once a month
• Independence 

Most of it has to do with other people. It gets very boring/ lonely living in the middle of nowhere. and I'm a VERY social person. Which is probably why I started this blog to begin with. If my family was living somewhere more populated, I would DEFINATELY be much happier. I moved from Edmonton (booming with people and fun) to the middle of nowhere (oh look! a truck went by.. well, there's my entertainment for the day!)

Ah well. I suppose I'll figure it out.. Tomorrow. :P

Obsessed...

SO not cool. I promised myself that I wouldn't get hooked. That I wouldn't do it. But I did. It started with just attempting to read a few pages to say I tried it. But now? its like a drug. I CANT GET ENOUGH .. now.. what? you ask.. what am I talking about??

Well, what is every other woman/ girl obsessed with at the moment? That's right. Twilight. GOOD GOD. I love those books. I KNOW I'm behind jumping on the bandwagon, but, c'est la vie. I can't even explain how irresistible Edward is in those books. Mysterious.. a gentleman to the point of insanity.. LOVE it.. 

WHICH would not be an issue. However, my little pain in the butt sister loaned out the third book.. so I'm WAITING.. not even attempting to be patient.. lol.. that would be plumb crazy.. for this book to be returned. Which could be next week, the week after.. theres a good chance I might cry. I read the first two yesterday.. CRAP!.

Anywho.. I'm gonna go sob into my cereal.. (thats a lie. I hate cereal. but I shall be sobbing!) 

Decisions Decisions! and christmas memoirs..

One of the hardest things about this first year after mom was killed is the whole what we should/ shouldn't do for holidays, birthdays and so on. For example, our big dilemma right now is whether or not we should decorate the house for Christmas. It was always mom's big holiday, she absolutely loved it. We'd have 2 trees. The one in the basement was upside down, hanging from the ceiling. Christmas decorations were everywhere, and the house smelt of cinnamon. One tree would be store bought decorations, the other would have all of our handmade ones from over the years. 

Our house would be blasting Christmas music from the beginning of November for as long as mom could keep it going. Christmas was always the same. Christmas Eve we'd open our Christmas Pajamas, and then hit the hay. Then, Christmas morning, sometimes at 3 AM, usually at 7, my baby sister would bounce into my room, waking me up. Then she'd go get our parents up, who would take FOREVER making coffee and setting up stockings. My dad would get out the video camera, and we'd stampede down the stairs. Then came the three hours of around the circle gift unwrapping, oohs! ahhs! a mountain of wrapping paper, CinnaBuns, and coffee with liquor.. Good times.. So now we must decide. Pain now? or pain later.

The weekend...

On friday, I (for some CRAZY reason) left the warmth and comfort of my home, to brave the dreaded white stuff to drive into town to pick up Jenn and my sister off for her camp reunion. 

After the treacherous drive there, the next 8 hours were hell. We didn't know if we'd even be able to get home. My sister lost the address and couldn't remember the name of the town she was meeting her friends in. Our windshield wiper randomly flew off my car.. and after 20 minutes of struggling to figure out how to put the damn thing back on the car, finally got the whole grocery store in giggles, and, got help from the nearest cart boy. Thank God. Did get asked out by a cashier though. Interesting times.

Snow covered, snowing like a banshee.. the roads were awful.. but we made it. I decided that was it for me! So. Drinks and Get Smart ensued. mmm.. white freezies.. Next morning, 8:00,  we were baking bread! no no, not breadmaker bread.. I'm talking HOME MADE. And by 9:00 we were elbow deep in seasonings, making meatballs. THEN we trekked on over to the hardware store where we got metal cloth stuff and wood, and staples that you hammer.. and then attempted to make a ferret playpen.. WHICH WE DID!! :O I know, I was insanely impressed at the feats we accomplished. craziness. I am woman hear me roar!! OH! and neither of us have taken shop in school or anything. I know. impressive. 

So that brings us to Saturday night. I had to watch BabyBoy so that Dad could take the smallest sister to see Twilight, we watched WALL-E which was awesome. Loved it. then Jenn and I took a dangerous walk (yes dangerous! slippin, slidin, falling, OUCH) down to the ONLY PUB in my small town. It was.. quaint? There were actually people in it! :O This was surprising.. good drinks.. good wings.. then bedtime. mmmmm.

Sunday we finished our projects, and cleaned out the garage, and spent another 5 hours out and about trying to get my sister back from her weekend at the camp. The roads were dry, however people everywhere were in the ditch, and emergency response teams were everywhere. Terrible. After the first real snow, people think they are superheroes because they CAN drive in the snow.. so on dry roads its now acceptable to go double the limit weaving in and out of traffic?! I think not. Idiots. 

Either way. I feel like it was a very productive, yet cold weekend. :D

Jinxed.

Alright. I am now going to explain to you EXACTLY why I'm jinxed. There isn't much that goes right in my life.

April 2007- diagnosed with depression. My entire year at university is botched. I drop out.

August 2007- lost my job. moved to edmonton.

February 2008- in a HUGE accident. Van is a write off and lucky to be alive.

May 2008- mom is killed in car accident. enough said.

November 2008- car broken into. one week later, my brother takes my car over a stop sign. Gutted the underside of my car. 

especially this last year has been mighty shitty. 

There is more. Much more, but I'm busy and frustrated. As I remember, I will add.

Stuck..

.. in a small town, in the middle of nowhere

.. in a house, because since mom, I'm still nervous of driving

.. with a family that doesn't appreciate

.. with limitations I hate

I'm. just. stuck. 

Winter Memories

So while I'm trapped in this land of snow and ice, I've been reminiscing of winters past.  This was my life last year, a letter I wrote to one of my friends from Ontario..

"So, after a treacherous drive to M's school, I then find myself STUCK in the middle of the flippin road! I mean.. COME ON!! firstly, edmonton doesnt plow the roads that often, and definately not the sideroads. secondly.. in the - 46 degree weather, where your face can freeze in 5 friggin minutes, its a lovely thing to be stuck. thirdly, I am stuck beside the house. Like, the garage door opener works.. BAHH!!!.. so .. I go and get construction workers.. to come help me.. and it takes 3 of them to push me out. They say, how do you wanna do this? I go "I dunno! I'm from ontario.. they actually plow the roads there, and we are SISSIES and STAY INSIDE!! (ps- I'm very proud of that)"... so now, as I listen to sirens go by, and wonder why I'm in this terrible climate.. I think of the poor ppl on the bus that is stuck on 23 ave, or the cop who has veered off into the snowbank off Riverbend, or our paperboy who is no doubt frozen stiff probably just off 22 ave, because we didn't get a paper this morning! So, I sign off.. Freezing in Edmonton.. 
ps... ont the bright side, we are supposed to get HIGHS of minus 26!! isnt that EXCITING?!.. 
I think I should move back to Ontario to get away from this forsaken land of ice and snow. PEACE!"

Clearly I was very mistaken if I thought I'd get any break from the horrible weather I'd experienced in Edmonton by coming back to Ontario. I think this is Rag on the Weather week.. however, I'm allowed. I'm a weather girl and so not impressed. Ready for the hot weather to be back. 

HBI- What Constitutes Life??

***NOTE: I fully realize and accept that I most likely will lose the few consistent readers I have, however I started this blog for me. Not to be recognized for my writing, although that is pretty neat, however to just be me. For me. In this one case, I will not apologize for what I believe. And if it offends, there's nothing I can do. 

An old friend of mine told me 3 months ago that she was pregnant for the third time. The first she carried to term, and delivered a beautiful baby boy (who is now a holy terror), my godson. The second, she aborted. The third she is carrying to term. She doesn't know who the father is of any of the children. 

Now, I'm a pretty accepting person. But in this kind of case, I'm at a loss. You would think that someone would learn from their mistakes. I also understand that people make mistakes. We are only human. However when you aren't ready or very good at coping with the first one, how exactly can you justify a second?!

It is my belief that every child is a gift. I have worked with kids long enough to be able to say that with full certainty. When a woman conceives, a CHILD is living within her. Not a fetus. Not a piece of tissue with no life. A child. Yes, a woman's body is her own, and should be able to choose what happens to it. But when the decision can take the life of another human that they created, it's an issue. 

We've accepted abortion as a way out. You make a mistake, you get rid of all evidence. Doesn't seem right to me. Admittedly some people shouldn't have children, however if those people are irresponsible enough to get pregnant to begin with, they should own up, and consider adoption as an excellent choice. There are thousands of people out there looking for a child to love, who can't have one of their own. 

Now, what about victims of rape? 

I can't even imagine what these poor women and girls are going through when confronted with such an event. However, the emotional pain and distress of abortion itself would put her through even more emotional pain as well. It's something you don't forget. Again, adoption would be the best option, in my opinion. 

Please don't write comments telling me in no uncertain terms that I have no clue what I'm talking about and to go to hell... But please DO let me know what you think.. 

That Damn White Stuff...

At this time of year, I realize my dreams. I remember what I forgot. I recall my feelings. 

I remember how much I HATE snow. Ok guys, I seriously love living in Canada, I love everything about it. I love the fact that Kelly Ripa talks about how clean Canada is, and how she feels like she needs to buy a new pair of shoes so as not to track dirt on our pretty streets.. lol.. 

I love that when you visit other countries, people greet you kinder, look at you different. Apparently more polite.. lol.. no offense to my American friends!! :D

But then there's snow. Evil, white, cold, biting, terrible snow. I'd be okay with maybe a week of it. Then it needs to go away. Except for the weekend getaways to local ski hills, snow is okay. On those afternoons when you go tubing, and then sit indoors, sipping hot chocolate and watching the snow fall, I will deal with it. But for every other day, I HATE it. I couldn't see across the road for the better part of the day, and now where 2 days ago I could see green grass and the warm sun, only a thick white blanket of EVIL and cloud cover greets us. 

If you live where there is little, or no snow.. I'm moving to where you are.. I hate this weather. 

As of right now, my winter GETAWAYFROMTHISHELL trip schedule is as follows..

December- Carribean cruise

January- Edmonton- ok. Edmonton is actually colder. But if I don't go, I'm toast. 

February- Cancun I think. 

March- any ideas?!

I have to get out. Anyone want to move with me to a hot beach somewhere that has an unlimited supply of pina coladas and white freezies?? I'm game if you are... :D 

Tilt-a-whirl for your liquor

Guys, I have to say that you HAVE to check these glasses out. I've been drinking Sambucca out of them tonight.. and they are flipping TRIPPY!! .. Because if drinking doesn't make you dizzy enough, here is a tilt-a-whirl for your liquor.. They are hard to explain.. so you have to check it out! They don't spill!! CRAZINESS! I'm amazed. Impressed. check it out!!

http://www.geekologie.com/2007/11/roly_poly_shot_glasses_will_sp.php

My Little Orphans- Take 2

here is some information about children in the Orphanage 

Dauglas Ashoya - He is an orphan with one single parent who is his mother. That is why he decided to seat in the street due to lack of good health care.

Isaac Wanyonyi - he has his mother but donʼt have a father.. He was in street for one year. Because he had nobody to care for him. That is why he decided to stay to street.

John Bared - He has his mother but no father. So he decided to stay in street because he had nobody to care for him.

Geofry Alim - he has a mother but no father. He stayed in street for two years. He stayed there due to problems.

Tyson Watilu - the father died last year and the mother died this year November.

Daniel Kaguta - he has a mother but no father.

Emmanuel Ekirappa  - He has both parents but lost their home during post election due political violence.

Stephen Odhiambo - Has a mother but no father.

Fadhili Musa - He has a mother but no father. His mother is a drunkard in that she canʼt take care of the family.

Carlos Kwanusu - Has a mother but no father.

Jackson Osama.- Has a father but no mother. The father is a drunkard.

Haron Wanjala - he has both parents, but they are poor so they donʼt take care for him.

Isaac Odongo - The father died last year. The mother doesnʼt take care of him.

Sammy Lombole - Has no both parents.. They died and that is why he decided to stay on the street.

Lilian Asmith - The father died and the mother is HIV positive.

Moureen Nekesa - Has both parents but were displaced during post election.

Violet Nabangala - Has both parents but were displaced during the post political violence.

Rose Alubit. - Has both parents but were displaced during post political violence.

Faith Misiko - Has both parents but have financial disableness.

Rabecca Wafula - The mother died and the father is nowhere to be seen.

Brenda Ekai - The mother is a street lady.

Zaitun Irene - Has no parents.

Valentine Asha - Her mother died  when carrying out abortion.

I want to cry at how many parents just can't or won't take care of their little ones, and how many were killed in times of unrest.. More info to follow.. 

Mhea's Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.

My car = my baby.

My baby was violated. Assaulted. Molested. Some idiots thought it would be a good idea to pop the lock from the passenger side window and then try to rewire her. Someone must have scared them off but they grabbed my GPS and hit the road. 

Allow me to explain how UNIMPRESSED I AM. Not to throw a pity party, but haven't I been through enough this year?! I don't want to deal with some tractor driving hicks that thought it would be fun to try to steal my radio and/or car!. and yes, thats who did it because that is the only kind of person who lives in a town like this. I've moved 1500 times.. (or at least 5).. I've quit 2 jobs, I've left an entire life behind. Lost a mother and all the family I was getting to know back in Edmonton, and now this?! WHAT did I do to deserve this shit?! 

I did nothing wrong!

When you've lied to me before

How do you expect me to believe anything you say about her?

When you've kept secrets,

No wonder I'm annoyed by the note I found.

You say it was old, 

You don't even know when it is from!

But how can I believe you?

And how can you get mad at me when I confront you?!

I did nothing wrong.

I have nothing to be sorry for.

My Little Orphans- Take 1

Ok guys, here's the deal.. We are building an orphanage in my mom's name. If you want more info, click here. Below I've posted pics of the children, and where they are living now.. I'm trying really really hard not to cry right now, but they are beautiful.. Please check it out. 

this child is AMAZING.

So my FABULOUS BabyBoy has started a new phase of adorable actions. 

When he laughs, he covers his mouth with both hands. 

When he's mad, he either folds his arms, (I swear I didn't teach him that!) or throws himself straight back from standing to lying on the floor, whacking his head in the process. 

When he's content, he walks around pounding his chest like Tarzan and yelling.

When he's feeling mischievous, he comes and tugs on my pants, and then runs and peeks around the corner at me. 

When he wants our other brother, or sees pics of him, he clicks his tongue. That's kind of their thing. 

He says 'please' and 'yes' and 'daddy' .. SO adorable. 

It's so much fun to watch them grow, and change. Watch them go from baby, to little boy. Their faces change, they grow taller, and just get more amazing. It's awesome! I'm in love!!