Written Doodle

I was wondering earlier why it's so hard to sit down in front of my computer and find the inspiration to type something out? I can sit down with a pen and paper and after a ton of doodling it suddenly starts to flow. Words, strung together into something that makes sense, and sometimes can even possibly be thought of as beautiful.

Yet I sit down in front of this screen and draw a blank. Maybe my doodling is my form of getting the juices flowing. So I think I'll try a written doodle. I apologize in advance if this blog is just completely scatterbrained and illogical.

One of the things I'm looking hoping to accomplish this year is to figure out where to go from here. Where my life needs to head. As the name of my blog suggests, I'm constantly on the search for My Happily Ever After, which makes it sound like there's an endpoint. However in my head its moving. There's flow and movement to my ever after.

If you've been reading my blogs, or know me at all you'll know it's something I've been struggling with since I left university. I decide I'm going to go back to school, or do something else, but something always prevents me from going forward. I don't know where I'm meant to be, but I believe He is going to provide me with the answers when He is ready. Until that point I'll just continue looking towards Him and looking for the sign.

Ok I'm going to go off on a tangent. I mean, it's my written doodle so I guess it's my right to go off in another direction for a minute.

Signs from God. I feel like people expect a lot from God. I remember hearing this joke about a woman who prays every day that God will let her win the lottery. After a few months go by and she still hasn't won, she gets frustrated and asks God 'why?!'. God responds with 'You have to meet me halfway! You have to BUY a lottery ticket!'

Isn't that how a lot of us look at God? We ask for things, and blame Him if they don't come through, without trusting that He is simply going to do what is best for us, whether we like it or not at the time.

We are so quick to throw judgement at God. Why do bad things happen to good people? I went through a time after Mom's accident where the Gloom had total hold on me and I was just angry with God. A God that I had been taught about since I was young couldn't possibly allow such a terrible event to occur to such a good person. If that was what God was about, I wasn't interested. It wasn't until later that I let go of that anger, frustration and pain and accepted that it was out of my control, and trusted Him with it.

When we ask for things, we expect it to be hand delivered on a silver platter. We expect it to work out exactly how we expect/ want it to.

Granted, sometimes it does. I'll be the first to admit that I've had times in my life when I've been so sure of something, only to have God whack me in the forehead and remind me that He is God. That I am nothing without/ next to Him and I need to trust Him and stop leaning on myself.

We need to pay attention. I feel like God talks to us a lot, or tries to, but we are too busy. I know I get too busy with my work, tv, iPad, friends, facebook, etc. and a lot of the time put God on the back burner. And I know it's something I need to work on.

Okay tangent over.

So I don't know where I'm going to go next. I do know that there are a few things I would like to get into in the meantime. But maybe that is a post better left for tomorrow. Again, my apologies for my scattered post.

xoxo
Mhea

My FTL List

Lola had a minor freakout at the name Bucket List, so we renamed it the Freedom To Live list. Tis a list that allows us to do whatever we want outside of expectations, labels, etc. A few things that are on our list include:

- Mardi Gras in New Orleans
- Something nerdy
- Something extreme
- Pottery
- Take a bartending course
- Road trip it to L.A.
- Trip to Africa


Then we decided to start a bucket list for in the future.

- See the seven wonders of the world.. This one comes from Lola.. I think she's nuts.. but hey! lol

It's a work in progress. With any luck, we'll be able to accomplish (most) of it.

Wow. I started this post over 2 years ago. I sat down to write out my New Year's Resolutions and here I am,  reading through old drafts of posts long forgotten.  Well, need it be said that one of my NYR is to blog more?

I find that in my busy life, things I love to do get set aside. Writing has always been a passion of mine. I love the flow of words, the picture they can paint, and I love that my thoughts become clearer as I see them typed out on the screen in front of me. Life makes more sense in print. But that, my friends, is a topic for another time. 

So. My New Years Resolutions. Well, first let me give you my entire bucket list. Because somewhere in there lays who I am. And in 2013 I'd love to be able to figure that out.

So here it is: Mhea's FTL list. It's evolved, grown. I've included everything that has been on it since I was 12.

- Mardi Gras in New Orleans
- Something nerdy
- Something extreme
- Pottery
- Take a bartending course - COMPLETED Feb 2012
- Road trip it to L.A.
- Trip to Africa - COMPLETED Summer of 2010
- Swim with dolphins - COMPLETED Feb 2009
- Go wine tasting in Napa Valley
- Go for cooking lessons in Tuscany when I'm 35
- Be someone I'm not for a day
- Backpack through Europe
- Go to Vegas  - COMPLETED Feb 2012
- Take ballroom dancing lessons
- Go white water rafting - COMPLETED Feb 2004
- Visit the Grand Canyon
- Find the Charmed building in San Fransisco
- Get a tattoo - COMPLETED July 2012
- Visit Disneyland as an adult. No kids.
- Visit leaning tower of Pisa
- Learn to play chess
- Learn to play poker
- Take up calligraphy
- Renovate a house
- Make something out of clay
- Create something that will live on after I am gone
- Discover my life's purpose
- Learn to say 'no' without feeling guilty
- Make a difference in someone's life
- Join the Big Sister program
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen
- Write and publish a novel
- Be an extra in a film
- Sleep in a castle
- Create a coat of arms for my family
- See a platypus
- See gorillas in Uganda
- Hold a koala bear
- Watch turtles hatch and run to the ocean
- Have a bonsai tree
- Learn to forgive
- Learn to live in the now
- Go to a broadway show
- Go to Australia
- Go to Thailand
- Wear a dress with hoops

Alright. So I'm sure I'll add to it over the year. But as for my NYR?
- Get healthy
- Tick at least three things off my FTL list.
- Finish unpacking my house!
- Finish a couple quilts I've been working on
- Figure out what I'm doing in terms of work/ school
- WRITE MORE!

Well, I've been known to fall off the wagon. So I figure if I can start with small resolutions, I might have a chance of getting there.

Happy New Year's everyone!!

xoxo

Tired...

Tis summer.. and to some, that means sitting back, relaxing, and taking in the fresh air. For me it means 35 kids, one coworker, a constant headache and a surprising desire for liquor.

I'm running a daycamp for low income housing kids. They are good kids, and have so much potential, however because of their lot in life, acting out is common- in a big way. Every day I get home and flop down, ready for bed. The emotional drain these kids take outta you is insane! This is my third year doing this job, so I know most of the parents and kids. Doesn't make it any easier. Every day I wonder why I'm doing this. And then a child comes up and says that I'm their favourite, or that they love me, or just gives me a hug, and I remember.

These kids just need love. They need a firm caring hand. Sometimes its hard to not get carried away and get frustrated (I'll admit I'm guilty of that in a big way!) but they really just need someone there to listen, to care.

I keep having to remind myself of this. Even if I can help one child, my summer will be worth it.

People ALWAYS leave.

I have a theory...

People always leave. It's a rule. And sometimes I forget that.. and I let myself get too close to someone, or know too much about me.. and it always bites me in the ass. 

When I used to have bffs, I'd never tell them too much about me.. I'd keep it so we were always talking about them.. it was better that way.. what they don't know can't hurt me.  Ever. 

So the bffs I thought I had need to go. Clearly trust is something I've become a lil too free with. 

Friends.. friends are good.. not too personal.. its a good thing.. I need to go back to having friends.. and only friends..

bffs are of the past my friends.. of the past.. 

I think part of my anger and frustration with everything stems from my mom's anniversary of her death. Since then I've constantly been pissy and bitchy. and Definitely okay wiht it. I dont wanna deal with any more bullshit. I may or may not have started redirecting that anger at my friend... ugh.. I am my biggest downfall..

The Fruit Game

Back at camp, one of the ways that we girls would bond would be through playing the fruit game. We'd assign a fruit to each of the guys based on attributes, 

Mango

Definately an acquired taste. When you first meet them, you aren't too sure about them. After awhile, you decide, and either love em, or hate em. They have a solid core, are sweet, and somewhat mushy. You have to catch them at the right time, and can get messy unless handled properly. They are not also not too bad looking. 

Red Delicious

Good looking on the outside, it hides many bruises. Egos tend to be a problem with RDs. Looking like a  million bucks, they are often disappointing. 

Avacado

Somewhat odd looking, a little strange. An acquired taste- at first you really aren't sure about them. Even if you don't like them, you still have to admit that there's something different about them you have to give them props for. Solid core, slightly mushy. 

Pear

They are the most feminine of all guys. Whether it be gay or metro, pear is where they are at. no real core, very soft. 

Strawberry

Wears their innermost emotions on their sleeve. Sweet, unassuming, but can sometimes be sour. The kind of guy that makes you feel better when you are having a crappy day. 

Macintosh

A typical all-canadian guy. Well liked by all, good looking, funny, sweet, kind, mischievous. Manages to be typical, yet original. 

It's just a little fun for a friday morning! 

<3> Mhea

If I could take my life to the computer repair guy...

Some days, I wonder at how much easier life would be if it could have an easy fix. Something is wrong.. you take it to someone.. like.. the computer repair guy.. 

"Excuse me sir?"

"Hello! How can I help you??" 

"Well, as you can see, my life is acting up again. I've run virus scans, tried specialists, I just don't understand what's wrong!"

"Well, why don't we take a closer look?? Aha! I see you're problem. Why don't you leave it with me tonight and you can pick it up first thing in the morning. I'll take care of everything. We'll get you fixed up in no time!"

See?! See how easy that would be?! You could have buttons and commands too! 

Restart- you could restart that day.

Memory/ Data Recovery- get back everything you've forgotten.

Virus Scan- would tell you exactly what is wrong with you!

Shut Down- would be very helpful on nights you can't get to sleep. 

SHIFT-TAB- would let you go back a little bit. 

SHIFT- would let you skip over a bit, which could be helpful in case of arguments, and such

Mute- OH! What I wouldn't give for a mute button. Shut myself up when I'm about to say something I'll regret, or shut everyone else up when I need some down time. 

Of course, then you run into issues with the CONTROL Q buttons :S. 

How epic would it be if we could just have our lives completely fixed and brought back to us? Where life wouldn't be so damn hard. 

I know. I wish.

But hey, a girl can dream right?

Confident? pah! Confused? abso-freekin-lutely!!

Living with my family in a little black hole in the middle of nowhere (I call it a black hole as it seems to suck all friends, fun and life in general out of me), I only see my friends on rare, random occasions. However, they all have a view of me. The same view as the newspapers took, and somehow every 'outsider' (anyone who isn't immediate family) takes. They all think I'm so confident. Confident. Me. Confident. WHAT?! They really don't know me at all. Everything I do I totally play out in my head to make sure nothing could go wrong. I'm second guessing everything I say and do. For some reason, they see me as a headstrong young woman who is 'going places'. Funny, when I look in the mirror I see a very confused young woman who doesn't know where she's going, with no self-confidence. I'm forever terrified of someone putting me down, because I do it enough to myself. Believe me! I don't need any help! I don't understand how people look at me, and see the complete opposite of what I feel. 

Not to mention that just LIVING in my parents house, I constantly feel like Im 12 years old. All. The. Time. Like I'm supposed to be growing up, getting older, moving on, and I can't. I'm trapped in this world where I'm forever an immature kid. 

That being said, I have decided to go back to university!! As of this september, I will once again become a full time student at one of our amazing Canadian Institutes of learning :D I'm going to become.. a Social worker!! :D I'm excited, but we'll see how it goes.. Last time it didn't go over so hot. Hopefully, this time it'll work out! :D 

Ah well, right now I'm concentrating on my February trip to the Dominican Republic with my bestie Lola :D Have a good one all! 

That Damn White Stuff...

At this time of year, I realize my dreams. I remember what I forgot. I recall my feelings. 

I remember how much I HATE snow. Ok guys, I seriously love living in Canada, I love everything about it. I love the fact that Kelly Ripa talks about how clean Canada is, and how she feels like she needs to buy a new pair of shoes so as not to track dirt on our pretty streets.. lol.. 

I love that when you visit other countries, people greet you kinder, look at you different. Apparently more polite.. lol.. no offense to my American friends!! :D

But then there's snow. Evil, white, cold, biting, terrible snow. I'd be okay with maybe a week of it. Then it needs to go away. Except for the weekend getaways to local ski hills, snow is okay. On those afternoons when you go tubing, and then sit indoors, sipping hot chocolate and watching the snow fall, I will deal with it. But for every other day, I HATE it. I couldn't see across the road for the better part of the day, and now where 2 days ago I could see green grass and the warm sun, only a thick white blanket of EVIL and cloud cover greets us. 

If you live where there is little, or no snow.. I'm moving to where you are.. I hate this weather. 

As of right now, my winter GETAWAYFROMTHISHELL trip schedule is as follows..

December- Carribean cruise

January- Edmonton- ok. Edmonton is actually colder. But if I don't go, I'm toast. 

February- Cancun I think. 

March- any ideas?!

I have to get out. Anyone want to move with me to a hot beach somewhere that has an unlimited supply of pina coladas and white freezies?? I'm game if you are... :D 

Tilt-a-whirl for your liquor

Guys, I have to say that you HAVE to check these glasses out. I've been drinking Sambucca out of them tonight.. and they are flipping TRIPPY!! .. Because if drinking doesn't make you dizzy enough, here is a tilt-a-whirl for your liquor.. They are hard to explain.. so you have to check it out! They don't spill!! CRAZINESS! I'm amazed. Impressed. check it out!!

http://www.geekologie.com/2007/11/roly_poly_shot_glasses_will_sp.php

Flight of the Conchords

ok, so I'm sure this is against blog etiquette, but I'm posting five, yes five videos that are absolutely hilarious.. My friend Eric introduced me to this dynamic duo, and I think they are hilarious. And since today is my relaxation day after slaving over that dang room, I figured I'd share them with you!

I spent a summer in Quebec, attempting to learn the language, so this video cracks me up big time.. 



this is just stupid, and I love it...

hahahaha oy



Hippie power??

Anyways, I hope these have given you a little chuckle.. I'm going back to my chillaxin.. Have a great day!

Hot younger girl on Simcoe

We passed each other on the side walk by simcoe and wellington.  We both kept looking back.  Interested in meeting?

I absolutely love reading the personals. The one above came from today's paper. I love the hope thats in them. For some reason, this reminds me of the "if you like pina coladas' song. How about this one??

gave you a quarter for parking at fanshawe college on tuesday

you were short a quarter for your parking ticket so i gave you one...would love to spend a couple more of them buying you a coffee over a chat.you were with your mom and a little one.hope you get this....

Translation? 'I couldnt hit on you with your mom there! Please remember who I am?' 

hahaha absolutely cracks me up. So, the real reason for this post and long intro is because there is another article out in the papers about the orphanage. We are pretty excited. 

To check it out, click here. 

To check out our website, click here.

Stay tuned for much much more :D

It's nice to have something to concentrate on, and with any luck, we'll reach out goal in no time at all. Very exciting.

YAY!!!

Ok, so take a look at this new blog.. Pretty awesome stuff happening!.. check it out here!!

Please help, its for an amazing cause, and we are pretty excited about it! :D

Winter Wonderland? I think not.

Once a year, it happens. The gradual change. When all the leaves die and fall to their final resting place, on a bed of grass. When the trees all are quiet, not a rustle to be heard. When the brilliant colours of red, auburn, gold and orange fade to dismal browns, greens and white. When scurrying animals, and flying singers all recede to places unknown, until the sun shines again. 

This year, it happened all too soon. 

Driving by empty fields, and farm houses, the light dusting of white powder is bright in comparison to the gloomy skies.

Driving by a street corner, Catholic school girls wear their skirts a little lower than usual, the boys are bundled in coats, hats, mitts, scarves, and all huddle together in a little pack, trying to keep warm. 

As I drive, the whiteness comes at me. I try to run. It follows. Flurry after flurry of white matter, swirling around my car, enveloping the world in its icy grip. 

We arrive at our destination. I open the door, and catch my breath as I feel the biting cold, and crisp wind. Yet another reminder that it is here. It arrived. 

It is Winter. 

Why is it that when life gives you lemons..

you make lemonade?! why not make a lemon merangue pie?! Why are we so stuck on safe and normal?!

For instance, when you go to a restaurant, and are looking at all the options, why is it that we always order a quasadilla, or a hamburger, which we've had numerous times before, instead of something new?! Is it because you just don't want to make the decision? Is it because it's safe, and you know you are going to like it so might as well? Is it because the linguini with shrimp and avacado is just not 'normal' enough to consider??

Why are we a people who thrive on what is safe? Why do I not go and, despite my fear of heights and falling fast, go bungee jumping? Just for the hell of it? Why don't I wake up and randomly take off for a few days with a couple girlfriends? Why am I so content to be so complacent?

And it's the same with everything in life. I'm scared of new things. Things that are unfamiliar seem just silly to try. I'm terrified of making a fool of myself as well. Because whether I like it or not, I know that my decisions are partially decided by the kind of people I surround myself with. If something is deemed as a waste of time in the collective, then I'm definately not going to do it.. no matter how much I want to..

ok.. I may be ranting just a bit here.. sorry about that.. probably not making much sense either.. ah well.. maybe I'll be like the surfing instructor in Forgetting Sarah Marshall; "When life gives you lemons, just say 'F*** the lemons,' and bail."

Proposals

Today on the news, here was a cute little piece about a man who proposed to his girlfriend.. Awww!!! .. So the gf is a teacher of a grade 2 class, and so he lines up her kids, and they each have a letter that spells out the proposal!! I thought that was just TOO cute! 

I think proposals are the cutest things ever! and I always encourage my guy friends to think long and hard before they pop the question.. So that they do it just right!! :P

SO, do you have any cute proposal stories? or know of any??  

Movies from the past, and present

This is a list of my favourite movies. Per usual, I will continue to update it as my mind allows me to remember it.




These are movies that I loved as a child


Muppet's Frog Prince

The Ewok Adventure - clip

Brave Little Toaster

Labyrinth

Fern Gully

A kid in King Arthur's Court

These are movies that are good Family friendly movies

Secondhand Lion

My Favourite Martian :D

Good cute movies

Ella Enchanted

Enchanted

These are good young teen movies

Extreme Days

Another Cinderella Story

Picture This

These are good chickflicks

Return to Me

Walk to Remember

Notebook

27 Dresses

Princess Bride

Ever After

Mighty Joe Young

Good stay in your pajamas movie

the Lakehouse

the 10th Kingdom

Good Musicals

Grease

My Fair Lady

Newsies

Hairspray

West Side Story

Annie

American Mall for a slightly younger crowd

Chicago

Phantom of the Opera

Mamma Mia!!

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Rodger & Hammerstein's Cinderella

Good Laughin movies- parental guidance advised!!

Good Luck Chuck

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Good Thinkin movies

Illusionist

The Invisible

These are good cartoon movies

Madagascar

Happy Feet

the Wild

These are good Princess movies

Anastasia

Beauty and the Beast; The enchanted castle

Cinderella 3

Want to see

The Fantasticks

A Day in the Life...

7:00 wake up call!

7:15 wake up call #2

7:30 wake up kids

7:40 wake up kids take 2

7: 55 yell at kids to move their butts

8:10  get ticked at sister that missed bus

8:11  come up with long list of chores for said sister to do until which time I feel like driving  her to school

9-10 Clean Clean Clean!!! makin it "picture perfect"

10:00 put baby down for nap

10-11 fold laundry

11:02 take hammer to defective smoke detector

11:20 with pounding headache, leave house

12:00 drop off dry cleaning

12:10 deposit cheques at bank

12:18 pick up movie- "First Sunday" 

12:45 pick up Mellie 

1:00  oil change

1:15 pick up water filter

1:25 pick up car

1:50 pick up Ken

2:05 pick up furnace filter

2:17 lunch!!!

3:20  grocery store

3:40 go to Mellies to make jello shooters

4:30 go home

5:00  arrive at home and order 3 large pizzas, each with half and half different toppings

5:30  pick up pizza

6:30 give baby a bath

7:30 decide I'm too tired to go out with the girls

8-9 make finger foods for tomorrows party

9-10:30 watch "first sunday"

10:30- 11:42 flip at dad for being a spaz

11:42 record the days events on my blog

whew. that was more intense than I thought..

SHOOT! I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. DANGIT! 

bah....have a good one.. 

Random Thought

Last night, I watched Goldilocks and the three bears on tv with my baby sister.

 

Most know the story. 

Goldi finds the bears' cabin, tries each of their bowls of porridge. One is too hot, one too cold, one just right. 

Then she tries the chairs. One is too hard, one too soft, one just right.

And finally she tries the beds, where the first is too big, the second is still too big, and one just right. 

Then Mama, Papa, and Baby Bear find her in the bed and they scared her away. The End. 

And yet, only one question came to mind. 

Among the story, we find family in discontent. An upset relationship. Something not quite right. 

Because if not, ....

...Then why did Mama Bear and Papa Bear have separate beds?! 

when the lights go out, the stars appear, you'll find me...

in front of the tv?!

I have a schedule.. not my daily schedule of naptimes and meals and appointments.. I'm talking about when it gets dark, the kids go to bed, and time is my own.. and I can live in someone else's world..

Monday- Prison Break and One Tree Hill

Tuesday- House and Privileged

Wednesday- Americas got Talent

Thursday- Survivor

See?! now about the shows...

Prison Break- Have you SEEN Wentworth Miller?! that RIGHT there is a great reason to watch the show. Ok, plus the fact that its always moving, the perfect mix of action with a twist of romance, I absolutely love it! Mmmm.. and being that there is one main female character in the whole show, leaving LOTS and LOTS of gorgeous men?! 

One Tree Hill- Confession? I've been watching this since it first started, and I feel like to stop now would be a betrayal! This show definately brought my roomates and I together in university, as it was the only thing we all had in common. The only show outside of cartoons we all agreed was worth watching! I owe this show a lot..

House- His hilarious ways is something I aspire to! His snarky attitude is just endearing. 

Privileged- An awesome new show!! Cheyenne from Reba stars in this new drama, and it is very good. It's weird seeing her go from playing a blond ditz in Reba who was all about family, to the tutor in a world without the bond of family at all.

Americas Got Talent- awww!! when you see a four year old little girl like Kaitlyn singing her little heart out on stage, it just makes me smile!

Survivor- A family must. I mean, if you want to be a part of my family, apparently you have to watch the show. No matter how old, overdone, and boring you think it is. An hour of my week I'd be glad to have back. New season started last night. woot. woot.