Written Doodle

I was wondering earlier why it's so hard to sit down in front of my computer and find the inspiration to type something out? I can sit down with a pen and paper and after a ton of doodling it suddenly starts to flow. Words, strung together into something that makes sense, and sometimes can even possibly be thought of as beautiful.

Yet I sit down in front of this screen and draw a blank. Maybe my doodling is my form of getting the juices flowing. So I think I'll try a written doodle. I apologize in advance if this blog is just completely scatterbrained and illogical.

One of the things I'm looking hoping to accomplish this year is to figure out where to go from here. Where my life needs to head. As the name of my blog suggests, I'm constantly on the search for My Happily Ever After, which makes it sound like there's an endpoint. However in my head its moving. There's flow and movement to my ever after.

If you've been reading my blogs, or know me at all you'll know it's something I've been struggling with since I left university. I decide I'm going to go back to school, or do something else, but something always prevents me from going forward. I don't know where I'm meant to be, but I believe He is going to provide me with the answers when He is ready. Until that point I'll just continue looking towards Him and looking for the sign.

Ok I'm going to go off on a tangent. I mean, it's my written doodle so I guess it's my right to go off in another direction for a minute.

Signs from God. I feel like people expect a lot from God. I remember hearing this joke about a woman who prays every day that God will let her win the lottery. After a few months go by and she still hasn't won, she gets frustrated and asks God 'why?!'. God responds with 'You have to meet me halfway! You have to BUY a lottery ticket!'

Isn't that how a lot of us look at God? We ask for things, and blame Him if they don't come through, without trusting that He is simply going to do what is best for us, whether we like it or not at the time.

We are so quick to throw judgement at God. Why do bad things happen to good people? I went through a time after Mom's accident where the Gloom had total hold on me and I was just angry with God. A God that I had been taught about since I was young couldn't possibly allow such a terrible event to occur to such a good person. If that was what God was about, I wasn't interested. It wasn't until later that I let go of that anger, frustration and pain and accepted that it was out of my control, and trusted Him with it.

When we ask for things, we expect it to be hand delivered on a silver platter. We expect it to work out exactly how we expect/ want it to.

Granted, sometimes it does. I'll be the first to admit that I've had times in my life when I've been so sure of something, only to have God whack me in the forehead and remind me that He is God. That I am nothing without/ next to Him and I need to trust Him and stop leaning on myself.

We need to pay attention. I feel like God talks to us a lot, or tries to, but we are too busy. I know I get too busy with my work, tv, iPad, friends, facebook, etc. and a lot of the time put God on the back burner. And I know it's something I need to work on.

Okay tangent over.

So I don't know where I'm going to go next. I do know that there are a few things I would like to get into in the meantime. But maybe that is a post better left for tomorrow. Again, my apologies for my scattered post.

xoxo
Mhea