People ALWAYS leave.

I have a theory...

People always leave. It's a rule. And sometimes I forget that.. and I let myself get too close to someone, or know too much about me.. and it always bites me in the ass. 

When I used to have bffs, I'd never tell them too much about me.. I'd keep it so we were always talking about them.. it was better that way.. what they don't know can't hurt me.  Ever. 

So the bffs I thought I had need to go. Clearly trust is something I've become a lil too free with. 

Friends.. friends are good.. not too personal.. its a good thing.. I need to go back to having friends.. and only friends..

bffs are of the past my friends.. of the past.. 

I think part of my anger and frustration with everything stems from my mom's anniversary of her death. Since then I've constantly been pissy and bitchy. and Definitely okay wiht it. I dont wanna deal with any more bullshit. I may or may not have started redirecting that anger at my friend... ugh.. I am my biggest downfall..

My Enemy

I am my biggest downfall

I am my own worst enemy. 

I sabotage the best things in my life

In fear of the worst. 

I refuse to get hurt

By anyone, ever.

If I think there's that chance,

It's goodbye forever.

I will not cry

Over anyone or thing.

I'll stay strong for me

It's all I can do

I am my biggest downfall

I am my own worst enemy. 

Angel girl

Halo..

I never promised you a ray of light  

I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday  

I'll give you everything I have  The good the bad...  

Why do you put me on a pedestal?  

I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below  

So help me down, you've got it wrong  

I don't belong there  

[Chorus]  

One thing is clear  

I wear a halo  

I wear a halo when you look at me  

But standing from here  

You wouldn't say so  

You wouldn't say so if you were me  

I always said that I would make mistakes  

I'm only human and that's my saving grace  

I fall as hard as I try  

So don't be blinded  

See me as I really am  

I have flaws and sometimes I even sin  

So pull me from that pedestal,

I don't belong there  One thing is clear  

I wear a halo  

I wear a halo when you look at me  

but standing from here  

you wouldn't say so... 

The Fruit Game

Back at camp, one of the ways that we girls would bond would be through playing the fruit game. We'd assign a fruit to each of the guys based on attributes, 

Mango

Definately an acquired taste. When you first meet them, you aren't too sure about them. After awhile, you decide, and either love em, or hate em. They have a solid core, are sweet, and somewhat mushy. You have to catch them at the right time, and can get messy unless handled properly. They are not also not too bad looking. 

Red Delicious

Good looking on the outside, it hides many bruises. Egos tend to be a problem with RDs. Looking like a  million bucks, they are often disappointing. 

Avacado

Somewhat odd looking, a little strange. An acquired taste- at first you really aren't sure about them. Even if you don't like them, you still have to admit that there's something different about them you have to give them props for. Solid core, slightly mushy. 

Pear

They are the most feminine of all guys. Whether it be gay or metro, pear is where they are at. no real core, very soft. 

Strawberry

Wears their innermost emotions on their sleeve. Sweet, unassuming, but can sometimes be sour. The kind of guy that makes you feel better when you are having a crappy day. 

Macintosh

A typical all-canadian guy. Well liked by all, good looking, funny, sweet, kind, mischievous. Manages to be typical, yet original. 

It's just a little fun for a friday morning! 

<3> Mhea

Friends and the way we move..

Me- I can almost guarantee you that you will not have the same friends as you have now in 10 years. 

Sis O- Yes I will! I'll be friends with them FOREVER. 

Me- Friends, yes. But not as close as you are with them now. 

Sis O- why?!

Me- Because as friends grow, they choose different paths. And then they find new friends that are on that path. 

She didn't believe me. I didn't believe my mom either after she told me that my friends and I won't be friends in 20 years. I was convinced we'd all still be best friends. As it were, I don't talk to any of them. I figured through high school, when we'd all leave, we'd all still be sooo tight! Fact is, I'm not super tight with anyone really from high school. Now camp is another story. My best friends are the ones I met at camp. I'm still friends with all of them still after years. 

In general I think I'm afraid to get too close to anyone because I know that eventually they'll just leave. Whether it's to actually move to get a job, or go to school. Or if they get a new boyfriend, and their whole world suddenly revolves around this new love interest. Or even if they get married. Life changes. And I don't like it! I'm selfish, I know. And I know that people are going to move on with their lives. 

<3> Mhea

Weddings = a political pain in the ass.

With all the buzz about weddings, I've come to realize that there is a huge element of politics just in choosing your bridal party. So, I've decided to see just what my own wedding party would look like. 

So, if I had to decide on my bridal party right this moment, it would be as follows:

Maid of Honour- Lola

Bridesmaid #1- Petra

Bridesmaid #2- Femke

Jr. Bridesmaid #1- Sister M

Jr. Bridesmaid #2- Sister O

Ringbearer would CLEARLY be my BabyBoy

The first three are really my best friends. I've already been told, not asked that I'll be MOH for Femke, and, although she's only been dating her new boy for 6 months, I've already met the best man..

Now that I think about it, I can understand why so many people have so many bridesmaids! There's still Hannah, my friend since birth, Steph my best girl from Edmonton, my sister Shannon, Melissa, and thats just the start! All would be horribly disappointed if I didn't have them in my wedding. 

But then, there are just as much politics in who to INVITE to the wedding. Where do you draw the line?! Do you include everyone on your facebook list? Do you keep it to close friends and family? If so, what about those close friends that you just suck at keeping in touch with?!

See?! As if there weren't enough worries with the wedding itself, and the marriage itself, you have to add all this other stress. 

I've come up with the best 2 choices, as far as I can see. 

1) A beach wedding. Anyone who wants to come, feel free! Dance and DJ, BBQ to follow. :) HOW FUN?! Minimal stress, still beautiful. 

2) Destination Wedding. Your favourite ppls and you in the Carribean, celebrating your big day?! I'm so down! 

As for the wedding party.. well.. I'm not getting married.. so I can only pity those who are.. ha!!

<3> Mhea

Madamoiselle Me at your service..

Ever since I was little, I've been that person. That person who listens to everyone about everything. That person who knows what's going on with everyone's lives. That person who will go to the grave with anything you've told me. 

I've been that person that will listen and nod, give a hug and a smile. 

I've been that person who doesn't judge, doesn't get fed up with people's repetitive bullshit. 

A few examples. Young man I worked with when I was 15, just lost his mom 2 or 3 months earlier. When it happened, he clammed up and wouldn't talk to anyone. At all. We are sitting there in the sandbox playing with the 2 and 3 year olds and he starts telling me the whole story about how he found his mother dead. I had no clue WHAT to say. So, I didn't say anything.. I just let him talk.. Well, this apparently opened the door for his sister to tell me her side of the story.. And from there.. it just continued. 

I had so many girls in high school asking for me and my mom's help when they thought they were pregnant. I'd be called out of class to peer mediate group issues. 

That's what kind of girl I've been. The one that is always here to listen. And just smile. But I'm sick of the same girls thinking they are pregnant 4 times in 3 months and not learning their lesson. I'm sick of hearing the same sob story about the same guy who broke her heart 3 times but 'he's changed'. I'm sick of how utterly stupid people are. I don't know how to deal with them anymore without having a major freakout on their heads. I find myself pulling away from them all.

Patience is something I lack at the moment, and I don't know how to get more of. Maybe I just need to take a break from all of the crap in everyone else's lives.  

<3> Mhea

one year goes by too fast

Saturday was the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death. Harsh to remember everything.  The fam and I went over to African Lion Safari. It's essentially a zoo you drive through. Lions come up to your car, Monkeys sit on your roof and side mirrors. You can ride an elephant. It's awesome. The GREATEST experience ever. BabyBoy had a blast, freaking out over all the animals. On the way, we picked up a backpack carrier for him, so he spent the day chilling in that on my back, and then my dad's. THE BEST creation of life. He loves it, I love it. It's wonderful. 

BabyBoy rode an elephant, he absolutely LOVED it. All in all, a good enough day all things considering. Maybe later I'll share some memories and such. For right now, BabyBoy needs some attention. 

<3> Mhea