Terrified

*note* I wrote this on June 13..

Im terrified

of what comes next..

of coming home and not having mom here...

of having to face every holiday, and birthday, without her here..

of not having a phone call from her everyday...

of having decisions to make that I never even considered..

of what to tell my siblings when they ask 'why'?....

of allowing myself time to grieve...

of going to a place for the summer where I dont want to be...

of returning to a place in my life where I never thought I'd come back
to..

of people who I know I will want to bite their heads off..

of the responsibility I gladly take on.. but still frightens me...

of leaving my life in the west...

of rekindling old friendships...

of leaving friendships behind...

of who I'll become...

of change..


most of all...
of having to say goodbye...