why the need??

I was raised in a Christian home. I grew up with the mindset of most Christians. The shallow, religious Sunday School answers, and not really diving fully into what my faith really means. When my mom was killed, well, even before that when I was diagnosed with depression, I started questioning. I stopped going to church for quite awhile, and just became numb to the whole thing.

Fellow 'Christians' became drama seekers, and a pain in my ass. They all want the inside scoop, and would judge and gossip about my family and I. Not something I want to deal with.

Lately I've begun going back to church and to a Bible Study to make people around me know that I'm not a heathen, and am trying to make an effort. But it pisses me off! These little brats sit there all high and mighty judging me, yet not questioning their own faith.

Yesterday I was told that the definition of sin is the nature of humans. I fully disagree. I believe that sin is a word, thought or action which would be in opposition with what God wants.

I was also told that a certain percentage is destined for Heaven, and the rest for Hell. I personally think that is bullshit. I believe that if you are 'good' in your deeds, and aren't loving towards people, you judge and discriminate, then you aren't exactly following God's laws either!

Last week I was told that all things can be done through prayer if you just believe. And if it doesn't work, you don't really believe. Bahhhhh...

Then they had 15 minutes for prayer time. Well, I'm sorry but God and I are on a break, we really aren't speaking at the moment. So don't ask me too pray for the group/ in front of the group/ with the group. Trust me. I have my reasons, and they are pretty damn good ones too.

I don't know if I can continue attending! It frustrates me to no end! If we disagree with something, they just throw out another Bible verse, that has nothing to do with the situation, time period etc.

They like picking apart every word of the Bible when it has been translated from another language, one that has twice as many words than the english language. Grrrrrrrr...

"The greatest turnoff to christianity everywhere is christians themselves." - my favourite quote on the matter.

Ok, I'm off to work. Have a good one all :)

<3> Mhea

Tired...

Tis summer.. and to some, that means sitting back, relaxing, and taking in the fresh air. For me it means 35 kids, one coworker, a constant headache and a surprising desire for liquor.

I'm running a daycamp for low income housing kids. They are good kids, and have so much potential, however because of their lot in life, acting out is common- in a big way. Every day I get home and flop down, ready for bed. The emotional drain these kids take outta you is insane! This is my third year doing this job, so I know most of the parents and kids. Doesn't make it any easier. Every day I wonder why I'm doing this. And then a child comes up and says that I'm their favourite, or that they love me, or just gives me a hug, and I remember.

These kids just need love. They need a firm caring hand. Sometimes its hard to not get carried away and get frustrated (I'll admit I'm guilty of that in a big way!) but they really just need someone there to listen, to care.

I keep having to remind myself of this. Even if I can help one child, my summer will be worth it.